A Reel Tragedy

Yesterday, the shit hit the fan... or the reel, as it is.

The weeds in the yard are getting a bit long, long enough that we could no longer ignore them. So the other day, I came to the conclusion (with a lot of persuasion from the wife) that after putting it off as long as I could that it was time to buy a mower. (Sighhhhh...)

Now, mowing our lawn isn't a big deal. We don't have a sizable yard to maintain. We (I) have enough free time to complete the task. And there are eco-conscious, low impact, old-school mowers available that will do a fine job. Up until now, the problem was just coming to accept that we needed to shell out a few bucks to buy a mower. Simple and I've come to terms. I'm there. Little did I know, however, that the decision to buy was the easy part.

Q: So, why a reel mower?

A: Reel push mowers are inexpensive, eco-conscious lawn tools to take care of moderately sized yards. It is a one time purchase that requires no fuel, emits no exhaust, and requires only occasional blade sharpening - just like any mower. It also makes a minimum amount of noise. One of my biggest complaints about living East of the Mississippi is that homeowners are obsessed with having green, over fertilized, well groomed lawns, and they feel compelled to wind up the engine at 7:30 a.m. every Saturday morning. Now I can think of a few things I would rather do early in the morning and mowing is about the last thing I want to do or hear.

Reel mowers used to be fairly common before low cost gasoline powered mowers became the standard lawn appliance in the 1960s. Americans have been becoming fatter and lazier ever since.

Q: Okay, so a reel mower makes sense for my needs (weeds). Where do I go to purchase one?

A: Good question, and... not around here.

I no longer live in a rural area. In fact, now I live in a suburb of the original metropolis (the day I came to terms with the fact that I was a suburbanite, I died a little). One would like to think that the fact he or she lives in a more densely populated area should make available more product options within a short distance at a lower cost to the consumer than in a rural area (you know, free-market ideology shit). This is one of the things people love about cities, correct? So the fact that I visited three large box stores - Lowe's, Home Depot, Sears - and waded through the mass of humanity that congregates at these suburban bastions of commerce only to discover that, in fact, they did not have a selection of reel mowers to peruse was, to say the least, disappointing. Oh, there were plenty of mowers available - big ones, small ones, riders, push mowers . But there were only three in three monstrous warehouses that did not require a gasoline engine and a pull string to start. Nope. I just wanted a simple, inexpensive 4-7 blade reel mower... and the box stores couldn't handle it.

Damn it!

I was ashamed. Time, fuel, and a little self-respect were lost in an attempt to find a mower that's been capable of doing the job since the 1830's. And the worst thing, in the back of my mind, I was expecting it. I hate suburbia.

The urban elk are frothing at the mouth after seeing this photo.

More to come...

What Happens When the Cameras Leave Haiti?

We are a generous nation. Our response and commitment to the quake victims in Haiti was both swift and substantial and it can be measured in dollars, food aide, volunteers... and by the number of American reporters that showed up in the first hours after the quake in Port-au-Prince. Unfortunately, Americans have a tendency towards the tabloid (ex. Tiger) and sensational (ex. Jersey Shore) and exhibit the attention span of gnats. Add in the distractions abroad (Iraq, Afghanistan) and the problems at home (health care, economy) and it is easy to ask the question: When the last news anchor has left the Haitian shores, will we still remember?

We need not look far into the past (2004 SE Asia tsunami) to also appreciate that what happened in the first couple weeks of the disaster in Haiti, rescuing people from pancaked buildings, providing temporary shelter, and providing medical attention to the injured, was the easy part. The decade it will take to rebuild the Haitian capital and the nation's infrastructure is the hard part. Will Americans still show concern and lend a charitable hand 10 years from now? I would think that if we can stomach and rationalize waging a decade of war against people halfway across the globe, we should have no problem committing resources and lifting a neighbor at our doorstep out of the ashes of a natural disaster. Plus, we should all ask ourselves the question: What are the rational and moral implications of rescuing someone from death only to let him starve and wallow in misery for the rest of his existence?

Front Porch Musings from NY

Mentality

New York City brings together a diversity in spoken language, skin hues, and culture. But there is one thing most New Yorkers share, a manufactured obliviousness to other people.

It is interesting to witness a person fain ignorance to your presence as you pass them on the sidewalk, even when the two of you are the only two people within eyeshot... in any direction... in a residential area. The possibility of a person not noticing another enter within three feet of him/herself is infinitesimally small, even if he/she happens to have the triple handicap of being deaf, blind, and stupid. But then take the scenario a step further. If you issue a friendly, "Hello," or "Good Morning" to this stranger, there is a hitch in their response, as if you have wrenched them back from the recesses of their inner-mind where perhaps they were tirelessly calculating the the value of their own self-importance,... or perhaps they're just surprised that someone broke the code of silence.

"Huh, whaaa.... Oh, Hi."

Aggressiveness

New Yorkers are notoriously aggressive, whether it be the in-your-face style of ordering at the corner sandwich shop or driving on the expressways, a fact that makes my blood boil every time I enter the expressway or order a turkey sandwich. But you don't appreciate the full extent of NY aggression until you've nearly been run over by two octogenarians pushing shopping carts in the dairy aisle.

Diversity

It is entertaining to walk into the local deli and observe the variety of "english" accents co-mingling. Bronx, Jersey, thick Irish, Indian, Spanish, etc. - all equally foreign to a born Midwesterner, but a pleasant change from the ethnic uniformity of Montana where diversity is measured in shades of white and Republican red.

Summer's End

You don't need to eyeball the calendar to know that summer has turned a corner. You can sense the trees beginning to withdraw, sequestering sugars back to their roots, readying themselves for a long winter. An event that is punctuated by a fanfare of color.

Gone is the heat and humidity that saps any motivation and makes sleeping an impossibility. The days are comfortable and the nights crisp.

Kids disappear from the playgrounds and teens no longer loiter in the streets and malls. School is starting, a sure sign that fall is near.

Fall, my favorite time of year.

Ahh... Isn't He Cute?

Malkin's mindless twaddle

Adult Driver's Ed

Have you ever tallied the number of driving violations on your a.m. commute? It's astonishing how many people have either forgotten the rules of the road or just don't believe they apply.

Now, I witnessed more than a few violations in rural MT. Things such as not using a turn signal, not wearing a seat belt, or the worst, not having your mandatory "Save 100 Elk, Kill a Wolf" bumper sticker plastered to the ass of your beater, but that's nothing compared to driving around an Eastern metropolis. Here, people tailgate, cross multiple lanes without pausing, turn left in front of oncoming traffic in order to be first through the intersection on a green light, and, of course, everyone speeds, with law enforcement officers being no better than the average suit behind the wheel of his Mercedes.

It's astonishing what flies here. Truly, this is the purpose behind heavy duty duel-rear wheeled diesel driven pickups fitted with a critter cage wrapped around the front grill. Driving one would allow me to pass cleanly through the Beamer driven by a woman adorned in oversized fashion-conscious sun-goggles, talking on a zigged-out cell, sipping a $7 machiatto-frapp-a-late-light-roasted-mocha-grande attempting to gun it on a left-hand turn in front of me without the use of a turn signal... without pause.

Each time I witness a driving violation I curse in Yiddish, wave my cane in the air, and think, "There's another person who needs to retake their driver's exam."

Hmm... not a bad idea. Let me think out loud (or in writing). A driving education class for adults... It would be called:

Adult Driver's Education (because you obviously didn't learn anything the first time around)

The class curriculum would start with the basics. Topics to be covered:

1. Who enters the intersection first when two automobiles come to a four-way stop at the same time? (Note: the answer is not whoever guns it first).

2. What is a safe distance between vehicles and safe speed to travel in snowy, rainy, icy conditions? (Note: a massive 4-wheel drive SUV does not make you exempt from the laws of physics. As a matter of fact, it just means that you roll, slide, and flip better than most smaller vehicles on the road.)

3. How to position your mirrors in order to minimize a vehicle's blind-spots. (No, they are not car fixtures merely for the ease of spackling your face with 'Streetwalker Sparkle Red', or to make faces at your offspring in the backseat).

Extra credit material also covered:

1. The importance of shopping for a vehicle to fit your needs (and not just buying the one that makes you look like a self-absorbed pretentious boob).

2. Scheduling your day and route to work so that you allot enough time to get to and from work safely and within the speed limit (so your left foot can relax and catch a break from the constant use of the accelerator).

3. Balancing a checkbook (so that your Mercedes lifestyle purchased on a Yugo budget doesn't get repo-ed and the rest of us who can count dollars and cents aren't bailing your ass out like we did with GM).

Yes! I like it. Sign me up. I need a little more entertainment.

Where you been, dude?

"Too busy," in short. After living and working in a city apart from the fam, packing up an apartment, moving back home only to pack up a house, taking three weeks to visit friends and family on a cross country move with the wife, a cat, and a little girl, I finally have a little time to sit, relax, and purge - traveling across America provides one with a lot of new material and disaffection to share.

So, "Cheers!" to the folks back West. I miss it already. And "Screw You!" to my new compatriots in Jersey. For those unfamiliar, "Screw You!" in its various forms is Jersey for "Have a nice day!" and usually accompanied with a single finger salute. Friendly people out here. I think I'll fit in quite nicely.

All I Want for Christmas...

Well, it’s that time of year again when families come together to visit, celebrate, and participate in the annual gift exchange. Yes, the annual gift exchange where friends and family take turns unwrapping packages trying to project a sense of surprise and elation while at the same time swallowing the reflex to blurt out, “Nice! Look at this piece of crap! Just one more [insert article of clothing] that will never see the light of day from the back of my closet!” Yes, the annual gift exchange where friends and family reacquaint themselves with the notorious gift receivers in the family, people with no shame like the re-gifter: the person that can’t seem to recall that a close relative gave them that same toaster oven last Christmas; or my favorite, the gift exchanger: the one that feigns enthusiasm knowing full well that he or she intends to trade everything in for store credit the following day. God forbid you give that individual anything not purchased at Target or Macy’s! Of course, by far the worst individual is the one that does not ever supply a ‘gift list’. Could there be a more annoying name to pull for the gift exchange? Really, what is so hard about answering the question, “So… what do you want for Christmas?”

Now, I speak from experience because I am familiar with this type of person. Alright, I am that person. I don't like gift lists, but let me explain why.

First, I am an adult who has a little money, not a lot, but enough. If I really need something I’ll go purchase it myself. Second, I like surprises and I think a gift list spoils the surprise. I understand that a gift list is as much about avoiding unwanted gifts as it is about requesting things you wouldn’t ordinarily buy yourself but I’m sorry, any person that enthusiastically exclaims, “Oh, Wow! Thanks! It’s just what I wanted!” upon opening a gift that was on their gift list either suffers from dementia or is easily amused. Third, I enjoy the effort someone puts in to the gift as much as, if not more than the gift itself. Honest. Finally and most importantly, I have few WANTS and I NEED very little because I am, in a sense, a very rich man. I live in a gorgeous part of the country with spectacular scenery and a wealth of outdoor activities. I have a sound mind (debatable) and never want for food or shelter. I have a wonderful family. I have everything I NEED. More ‘things’ won’t make me happier. This doesn’t mean that I don’t WANT. There are many meaningful things that I yearn for, but most, if not all are things that no one can give me. They are things that I must seek out and provide for myself.

I know what you’re thinking: “Gaad! It shouldn't be this hard! Answer the question. What do ya want?” Hey, if it was easy it wouldn’t mean as much. Right?!

So, what do I want for Christmas? This year I would like to break from the traditional materialistic gift-giving. This year, because there are so many people in this country and around the world that need food, freedom, and better government, I want to give time or money to organizations that are trying to support change for the better, organizations like Amnesty International, Ecova-Mali, Democracy Now!, The September Project, Rainforest Action Network, etc. It is a gift that can be made in someone else's name and it is a gift that is a Win, Win, Win. The receiver will enjoy the idea of the gift and the time put in, the giver will have learned something about an organization that they maybe didn’t know before, and the organization receiving the financial contribution will be able to continue to do important work. It's hard to argue with that.

Well, enough for now. I hope everyone enjoys the holidays. Be happy, be safe, and Merry Christmas!

P.S. Socks are always a good gift idea too. They’re practical and everyone living in higher latitudes covers their feet during the winter (i.e. send socks).

Post-Election A Mixed Bag in Ravalli County

Missoulian -- Ravalli Growth Policy Appears Headed For Repeal

The morning after a historic Presidential election that filled many millions of Americans with a new hope for the future, some Ravalli County residents are left with a mixed bag of feelings. The Growth Policy, a necessary component to protect the land, rivers, and streams of the Bitterroot from developers and other private interests and a stepping stone to Streamside Setbacks and Zoning, went down in defeat. This result was aided by the State of Montana and the ruling of the county attorney who again excluded county residents living inside a municipality from voting - a slightly skewed example of 'taxation without representation' (think Boston Tea Party). Pete Talbot from 4&20 blackbirds sums up the feeling correctly when he writes: "Bitterrooters continue their quest for Paradise Lost".

Insult was added to injury in the Ravalli County Commissioner's race where the two Democratic candidates, Roger DeHaan and John Meakin, running on a Pro-Growth Policy platform went down in defeat to their anti-zoning Republican counterparts, J.R. Iman and Greg Chilcott.

So, who wins with the defeat of the growth policy and the election of a set of commissioners that will more than certainly stand in the way of any structured land use regulations? Developers, the wealthy, and the "land rich". Of course, they couldn't defeat the Growth Policy on their own. They did it with the help (or, on the backs) of valley residents who believe that helping out wealthy neighbors is part of their civic duty. Which reminds of me of this little rant from The Onion. ...Back to square-one.

The War on Intellectualism

Why does it seem there is a war on intellectualism in this country? The ability to set emotion aside and reason through a problem is something everyone strives to achieve. It is a quality we look for in a leader. So why does the Republican party go to such extremes to label anyone with a mind of their own an "elitist"? i.e. What's wrong with being smart?

"Smart" is not unique to one party. I would characterize both McCain and Obama and their top aides as intellectuals (hey, they didn't get this far by being dumb). So what's going on? It all has to do with pandering to the GOP base. The GOP's hard-line stance on the issues of gun rights, taxes, and abortion (to name a few) endears the party to single issue, emotionally driven voters, the antithesis of intellectuals. So to continue to garner support from this group, the GOP paints the opposing candidate as an "elitist." Bush's win in 2000 and 2004 showed this strategy was a great way to win an election (just ask Karl Rove). So, what's new for 2008 from the GOP? Not much. Just a healthy dose of "elitist" labeling and non-issue talk. And to drive the point home and reaffirm the GOP's commitment to its hard-line base, they sacrifice the VP position to Sarah Palin.

Though simplistic, Bill F.'s quote below does a good job putting into words some of the frustration with intellectualism and the single issue voter.

"I guess it makes sense. An uneducated bible-thumping mechanic in Kansas is no more impressed by intellectualism than a biologist would be by Nascar racing. These red-state radicals just want to hear about kicking some Russian butt and putting a stop to abortion. No matter how much we're baffled by this, the fact is, the US is very much two countries now."

Musings from the Front Porch

There is a chill in the morning air and the leaves of the maples are starting to turn. School has started and the fishing is starting to pick up. I didn't see it coming, but Fall is here.

It seems Obama underestimated the "Real Person" factor.
I was walking with my daughter down the sidewalk yesterday afternoon and overheard two women leaving their place of work. The first asked, "Did you watch Sarah Palin's speech last night." The second responded, "Yes, wasn't it great!" "Ya, she's awesome," replied the first lady, "She's such a real person."

I knew Obama wouldn't get the hard core Republican vote, the evangelical vote, the "Bubba" vote, the "Drill-Baby-Drill" vote, the vote of some Americans making over $250,000/year, but I didn't expect he'd lose the vote of real people. Oh,... now I'm worried.

America, listen up! We might be in trouble, because the last real guy that got into office, you know, the guy "you'd most like to have a beer with," got us into this mess. Let's pray that if McCain/Palin get elected that Johnny can hang in there for four years. Otherwise, we're all screwed!

(Jeez... what does it mean to be real anyway? I consider myself a real person, but I don't watch American Idle and I don't think books and condoms are dangerous.)

Driving America into a hole.
I count 12 vehicles in front of the house. Eight are full size SUVs or trucks. It's nice to see people trying to reduce our dependence on foreign oil... the other four people that is.

A year to remember
This was quite a year. A winter with all the snow we could handle and a summer where I could count the number of HOT days on one hand. There was plenty of water in the river in August (a pleasant change) and little smoke in the air. Fall is getting off to a nice start too. Is it too much to ask for more of the same?

Mid-Summer Rant

Summer is my least favorite season. Fall has the best colors, the most comfortable temperatures, and the best fishing. My favorite photos are taken in the fall. Winter affords us a change of scenery and activities. The mountains and valleys are draped in a blanket of snow and fishermen bundle up and trade in rods for skis. Spring is like a second fall, but is a season of rebirth. Spring flowers and fresh green shoots transform the wet, rust colored landscape. New young stand by their mothers in mountain meadow pastures and cutthroat make their annual migration upstream to spawn. Summer… well, summer is just plain dog-gone HOT! I love to be outside. I love to fish and play ball. But the season just drags. Tourists and their RVs are all over the place. There is a Henning Hale-Orviston or Billy-Bob at every bend of the river. There is no escape from the people or the sun. There are few things less desirable to me than to stand outside in a dry heat on a 100 degree day and then sweat through the sheets at night because the house doesn’t circulate air well. Summer is definitely not the season of love.

It’s frustrating listening to politics right now. The lead-up to the national conventions is not news worthy. The presidential candidates are only trying to frame their message for the fall and define their opponent, jumping on every miniscule slip-up that might give them leverage and a boost in the poles. The media encourages the overreaction on either side by reporting every unimportant gaffe. I don’t care who is more patriotic, who is more liberal/conservative, or who has more money than whom. Stick to the “F”-ing issues: the economy, energy, the environment, and The War. Get these right and you’ve won my vote!

The Religious Wrong still thinks it needs to play politics. Religious leaders like Dobson need to quit beating the dead horse of abortion and same sex marriage. It didn’t change with the last guy you supported and he’s harmed our nation more than helped it. Christians who listen and support this dribble need to wizen up. There are more important issues to concern yourself with than determining which candidate is a better Christian. Trust me that decision is not yours to make.

Local issues are not much better. Here in Montana, I live in the last vestige of the old west where “you can’t tell me what to do with my land” still trumps any common sense. County commissioners are trying to draft a set of zoning rules and a special county committee is working on streamside setbacks. Both, if done correctly, will protect the natural beauty of the valley by allowing for managed growth and allowing the rivers and streams to move freely with little human interference. These are progressive, future thinking initiatives. But why plan for the future? Right? For being such a conservative Republican hotbed, there sure are a lot of asses in the valley backing their way into the future.

O.K., enough of that… I took a break from the blog for a few days to regroup, but now it’s time to get going again. At the end of the week, I’m going to have a little fun with bumper stickers. It should be interesting.

Have a happy Fourth of July!