In the fly-fishing business, the man (or woman) behind the counter is not only a dispenser of fine fishing merchandise but invariably a knowledgeable resource on local waters. A few well-worded questions (and the laying of a few bucks) can initiate the flow of information. However, any sense of false superiority on the part of the client or questions asked with little tact will earn you misinformation and criticism in the eyes of the person behind the counter. These clients will inevitably be the topic of conversation when the guides meet for a beer at the end of a long day. Here are some of my favorite questions. Feel free to share yours.
Q: What are they bite’n on?
This question seems harmless enough. It’s one I heard quite a bit growing up in a small town West of the Great Lakes. But asked in a fly shop on western trout waters, there comes with it a few generalizations about the inquisitive fisherman who undoubtedly throws spinners and worms 2/3 of the year back on his home waters in the Midwest or Texas when he isn’t rolling his three-wheeler on himself or drink’en 40s of Coors or Bud Light. The question that follows is:
Q: Got any worms?
Usually customers don’t have to wait for an answer because they have already arrived at it before the words have left their mouth and they’re walking back out the door. Use the term taking or hitting on to refer to the fish’s choice of fly for the day. Oh, and for those who think “Got any worms?” is a humerous joke in a fly shop. Sorry, heard it a million times. It’s not funny anymore.
Q: This is the only fly the fish were taking. Do you have any?
A: No. (probably not)
Unless you purchased it at that shop, the owner probably does not carry said fly that the customer claims is the ONLY fly that is working. But… he probably does have a dozen different ties that will catch the same fish. Sometimes fly-fishermen, and this includes fly shop owners, are guilty of giving fish too much credit for being finicky or choosy about what they will take. More than likely, you don’t need a #10 bullethead skwala tied with a natural/olive hare’s ear dubbed mix, with an elk hair wing, brown rubber legs, and a yellow foam post, fished on a 15 foot hand tied leader, using a 9 foot 5 weight Winston XP to catch a fish on the Root from mid-March. In fly-fishing variety really is the spice of life. Every shop has a different selection of bugs. Try something new. You never know, you might find the next ONLY fly that works.
Q: Where are the fish bit’en?
A: In the river.
Q: Where are the big fish?
A: In the river.
Q: Where’s the best place to fish?
A: In the river.
Don’t you love it when they make it so easy. They keep lobbing ‘em in there and you keep drive’n ‘em out of the park.
Q: Why can’t I keep the fish?
Obviously you can keep a limit depending on what species and where you are. There is nothing wrong with keeping a little delicious reward for your self, but this is not your home waters where there is a fifty fish limit on suckers and carp. The most irritating time this question surfaces is on a guided trip. Clients figure they have the right to keep any and all fish they are able to bring to the boat because “I paid for this trip.” No… you paid for a guide to row you down the river and supplement your weak casting skills with his/her years of experience. Think about this. The guide’s job depends on fish in the river, so he’s just looking out for the health of the fishery and his future by not allowing you to keep fish. Bring your camera. Take a picture. It’ll last longer.
Q: How much is this?!
This is more of an exclamation than a question. The customer is balking at spending a couple bucks on a piece of merchandise the shop owner carries. This is a huge customer faux pas and applies to any retail shop, not just where flies are sold. Lets say the customer is referring to the price of a fly. First of all, flies are hand tied. Whether they are made by the man behind the counter or manufactured in some foreign factory, it takes a person to tie the bug. Each one is unique, there is no way to automate the process. Costs of materials and labor can run anywhere from $0.25 to over $2.00/fly. Second, running a fly shop is a seasonal business. The four months of reliable traffic must support the eight months of marginal business. The guy behind the counter needs to make a living too. Third, this is an investment in a hobby you supposedly enjoy. You plan, take time off work, and travel cross-country in order to extract memories that you will take back with you to get you through the daily grind and fuel your imagination for your next trip. If you can’t part with your hard earned cash to spend $2 on a fly, you probably shouldn’t be fly-fishing anyway. So...
A: (you may get) If you don’t want it, you don’t have to buy it. This is America, you are free to go to the nearest Mega-Store and drop a dime on a couple rubber worms and the cheapest pole. No one’s making you spend your hard earned trust fund dollars here you cheap S.O.B.
A: (you’ll probably get) $2 a fly sir. How many can I get for you?
Q: If YOU had one day to fish the (insert name) River, where would YOU go?
First off, why just one day. Fly fishing should have few time constraints. If the fishing is good, why not spend this day and the next. Second, this question implies that you aren’t from around here, that you probably fly fish once a year, that you don’t value the fringe benefits of fly fishing, such as scenery, exploring uncharted waters, the satisfaction of doing something yourself, and that you only want a monster trophy fish that you can mount over your fireplace. Third, and most importantly, why would I tell you where I would go! I enjoy the place because of its scenery, remoteness, and “decent” fish, and I don’t want your city slicker ass tromping all over my spot and then going home to metropolis and telling all your rich cronies about it so they can come out and repeat the desecration. So, in short…
Q: What are they bite’n on?
This question seems harmless enough. It’s one I heard quite a bit growing up in a small town West of the Great Lakes. But asked in a fly shop on western trout waters, there comes with it a few generalizations about the inquisitive fisherman who undoubtedly throws spinners and worms 2/3 of the year back on his home waters in the Midwest or Texas when he isn’t rolling his three-wheeler on himself or drink’en 40s of Coors or Bud Light. The question that follows is:
Q: Got any worms?
Usually customers don’t have to wait for an answer because they have already arrived at it before the words have left their mouth and they’re walking back out the door. Use the term taking or hitting on to refer to the fish’s choice of fly for the day. Oh, and for those who think “Got any worms?” is a humerous joke in a fly shop. Sorry, heard it a million times. It’s not funny anymore.
Q: This is the only fly the fish were taking. Do you have any?
A: No. (probably not)
Unless you purchased it at that shop, the owner probably does not carry said fly that the customer claims is the ONLY fly that is working. But… he probably does have a dozen different ties that will catch the same fish. Sometimes fly-fishermen, and this includes fly shop owners, are guilty of giving fish too much credit for being finicky or choosy about what they will take. More than likely, you don’t need a #10 bullethead skwala tied with a natural/olive hare’s ear dubbed mix, with an elk hair wing, brown rubber legs, and a yellow foam post, fished on a 15 foot hand tied leader, using a 9 foot 5 weight Winston XP to catch a fish on the Root from mid-March. In fly-fishing variety really is the spice of life. Every shop has a different selection of bugs. Try something new. You never know, you might find the next ONLY fly that works.
Q: Where are the fish bit’en?
A: In the river.
Q: Where are the big fish?
A: In the river.
Q: Where’s the best place to fish?
A: In the river.
Don’t you love it when they make it so easy. They keep lobbing ‘em in there and you keep drive’n ‘em out of the park.
Q: Why can’t I keep the fish?
Obviously you can keep a limit depending on what species and where you are. There is nothing wrong with keeping a little delicious reward for your self, but this is not your home waters where there is a fifty fish limit on suckers and carp. The most irritating time this question surfaces is on a guided trip. Clients figure they have the right to keep any and all fish they are able to bring to the boat because “I paid for this trip.” No… you paid for a guide to row you down the river and supplement your weak casting skills with his/her years of experience. Think about this. The guide’s job depends on fish in the river, so he’s just looking out for the health of the fishery and his future by not allowing you to keep fish. Bring your camera. Take a picture. It’ll last longer.
Q: How much is this?!
This is more of an exclamation than a question. The customer is balking at spending a couple bucks on a piece of merchandise the shop owner carries. This is a huge customer faux pas and applies to any retail shop, not just where flies are sold. Lets say the customer is referring to the price of a fly. First of all, flies are hand tied. Whether they are made by the man behind the counter or manufactured in some foreign factory, it takes a person to tie the bug. Each one is unique, there is no way to automate the process. Costs of materials and labor can run anywhere from $0.25 to over $2.00/fly. Second, running a fly shop is a seasonal business. The four months of reliable traffic must support the eight months of marginal business. The guy behind the counter needs to make a living too. Third, this is an investment in a hobby you supposedly enjoy. You plan, take time off work, and travel cross-country in order to extract memories that you will take back with you to get you through the daily grind and fuel your imagination for your next trip. If you can’t part with your hard earned cash to spend $2 on a fly, you probably shouldn’t be fly-fishing anyway. So...
A: (you may get) If you don’t want it, you don’t have to buy it. This is America, you are free to go to the nearest Mega-Store and drop a dime on a couple rubber worms and the cheapest pole. No one’s making you spend your hard earned trust fund dollars here you cheap S.O.B.
A: (you’ll probably get) $2 a fly sir. How many can I get for you?
Q: If YOU had one day to fish the (insert name) River, where would YOU go?
First off, why just one day. Fly fishing should have few time constraints. If the fishing is good, why not spend this day and the next. Second, this question implies that you aren’t from around here, that you probably fly fish once a year, that you don’t value the fringe benefits of fly fishing, such as scenery, exploring uncharted waters, the satisfaction of doing something yourself, and that you only want a monster trophy fish that you can mount over your fireplace. Third, and most importantly, why would I tell you where I would go! I enjoy the place because of its scenery, remoteness, and “decent” fish, and I don’t want your city slicker ass tromping all over my spot and then going home to metropolis and telling all your rich cronies about it so they can come out and repeat the desecration. So, in short…
A: I’m not telling.
4 comments:
The anecdote about the customer exclaiming "how much is this!" reminds me of a scene in a book many in our family have enjoyed - Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods. Have you read it Francis? If not, make it your next book. It's laugh out loud funny.
Bill's son takes him shopping for hiking gear. He tell his dad when he gets an answer to "How much is this" he can under no circumstances exclaim "You're shitting me".
Hello Sir,
How are you tonight. I am sitting here at 10:30 Bay Area time just thinking about Dave "Big Shooter" and trying to put life into perspective. It makes you think, or at least me, about all the things experienced together as friends. If you ask me the thing Dave would want is for us to forget about it and tie one on and hope for tight lines. Hope things are going well. We will see you soon.
HAH! Wow, sounds like fly fisherman are as snooty as bicycle riders. :) Cynthia did get me a fly rod for my birthday. Will try to use it in Alaska next month... Now if I can figure out all of the tippet stuff, being that "Texas worm fisherman". heh
I think we've all had those "You're shitting me!" moments. I usually get them everytime I go shopping with my wife. Thus, she doesn't let me go with her too often. ...which is O.K. by me.
Kari-
I have not read Bryson's books. Maybe you can forward them to me.
Kyle-
Fly-fishermen could definitely give bicyclists a run for their money in the "snooty" category.
Flycaster-
I look forward to seeing you on the water. Take care.
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